Everyone Who Pretended To Like Me Is Gone

For the first time in my life, I've quit. Smart, likable, mildly athletic kid in high school; graduate with high honors at one of the country's most prestigious colleges; reporter at the MetroWest Daily News. Now, the Daily News is a wonderful place, as are nearly all of its people, but it's not sitting at the top of the class. In fact, while I think I was an above-average reporter, I certainly didn't do anything to distinguish myself from the other talented reporters and writers there.

So I looked around at every newspaper in the country, hemorrhaging revenue, staff and money; the $50,000 salary you earn through middle age unless you break through to the truly top echelon; the strange hours; and strange, ceaseless drumbeat of pressure that comes when your day isn't over until you've filed your stories, and decided I wanted out. Hopefully urban planning is as interesting I've convinced myself it is. I like to think it has a broader impact on the way we live and the social good -- whatever that means -- than 21st-century journalism does.

My friends say I've made the right decision. Semi-surprisingly, most of my co-workers did too. Newsrooms breed cynical, if not curmudgeonly, spirits (which the world needs in doses), so perhaps everyone there looks around too and can't help but apply the cynicism to themselves. Either way, I'm going to miss nearly every reporter and editor I've worked with, and the buzz that runs through my ears when I know I have a good story. That's something innate I don't think I'll ever cleanse from my daily life, and makes quitting hard. I have an odd feeling in my stomach as I compose this post.

At least I'm not going into public relations, as so many former reporters, too numerous and detestable to name, have. Besides, they've all typed their names into their search engines as "Google News Alerts," so if I actually listed my "favorites" they'd discover my measly blog and be offended that a reporter who they may have spoken to once was quietly holding a grudge and decided to defame them.

Thanks to the Walkmen for the post's title. I recently started saying the phrase to myself a lot, convincing myself it's some nice summary on an office's social environment.